Prelude Melodia Africana I by Ludovico Einaudi
Opening Words Fluent by John O’Donohue
I would love to live / Like a river flows, / Carried by the surprise / Of its own unfolding. (repeat)
Chalice Lighting (you may wish to light a candle in your own home at this point. I will be lighting my chalice for worship at 11.00 am on Sunday morning) words by Paul Stephan Dodenhoff
For this one hour, Spirit of Life
we let go.
For this one hour,
may we let go of our anxieties,
our fears,
our anger,
our self-doubts,
our regrets,
our petty grievances,
and our distractions.
If only for this one hour,
let the flame of this chalice
burn them from our hearts and minds
and light our way to peace and serenity.
For this one holy hour.
Opening Prayer
Spirit of Life and Love,
Be with us as we gather for worship,
Each in our own place.
Help us to feel a sense of community,
Even though we are physically apart.
Help us to care for each other,
In this world in which Covid has not yet gone away,
And the clouds of war and climate change overshadow us.
May we keep in touch however we can,
And help each other,
However we may.
May we remember that
caution is still needed,
that close contact is still unwise.
Help us to be grateful for the freedoms we have
and to respect the wishes of others.
May we hold in our hearts all those
Who are grieving, lost, alone,
Suffering in any way,
Amen
Reading from Osho Zen Tarot: the Transcendental Game of Zen by Deva Padma
As part of my morning practice, I cut a pack of Zen Tarot cards and see what the message for the day is. For the last two days, I have turned up The Burden. Here is a picture of it (artwork by Deva Padma)
And this is the accompanying text. “When we carry a load of ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’ imposed on us by others, we become like this ragged, struggling figure trying to make his way uphill. ‘Go faster, try harder, reach the top!’ shouts the foolish tyrant he carries on his shoulder, while the tyrant himself is crowned with an imperious rooster.
If life these days feels like just a struggle from the cradle to the grave, it could be time to shrug your shoulders and see what it feels like to walk without these characters on your back. You have your own mountains to conquer, your own dreams to fulfil, but you will never have the energy to pursue them until you release yourself from all the expectations you’ve gathered from others but now think are your own. Chances are they exist only in your own mind, but that doesn’t mean they can’t weigh you down. It’s time to lighten up, and send them on their way.”
Alternative Lord’s Prayer
Spirit of Life and Love, here and everywhere,
May we be aware of your presence in our lives.
May our world be blessed.
May our daily needs be met,
And may our shortcomings be forgiven,
As we forgive those of others.
Give us the strength to resist wrong-doing,
The inspiration and guidance to do right,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
We are your hands in the world; help us to grow.
May we have compassion for all living beings,
And receive whatever life brings,
With courage and trust.
Amen
Reading Camas Lilies by Lynn Ungar
Consider the lilies of the field,
the blue banks of camas
opening into acres of sky along the road.
Would the longing to lie down
and be washed by that beauty
abate if you knew their usefulness,
how the natives ground their bulbs
for flour, how the settlers’ hogs
uprooted them, grunting in gleeful
oblivion as the flowers fell?
And you — what of your rushed
and useful life? Imagine setting it all down —
papers, plans, appointments, everything —
leaving only a note: “Gone
to the fields to be lovely. Be back
when I’m through with blooming.”
Even now, unneeded and uneaten,
the camas lilies gaze out above the grass
from their tender blue eyes.
Even in sleep your life will shine.
Make no mistake. Of course
your work will always matter.
Yet Solomon in all his glory
was not arrayed like one of these.
Prayer by Cliff Reed
In the quietness of this place and the peace of this hour,
may we come close to our deeper selves.
Fantasies and daydreams too often cloud our minds,
and we use our time and energy pursuing empty goals.
In busy-ness we lose our way.
Let us listen to the deep insistent call within us.
May we learn to love our poor fragmented selves
that they may be healed.
And may we turn that love outwards,
that it might heal the wounds which hate and fear have made.
Let us not be deceived about ourselves or about our world,
so that we neither crash in disillusion nor be twisted by cynicism.
If truth and clear vision be granted us, then let us give thanks.
May arrogance never trap us into thinking that truth has but one aspect.
May we stand face to face with ourselves,
recognising that which is truly ours,
and that which is the imposition of others.
And as we do, may we feel the love which unites us all in the depths of our being.
Amen
Reading from The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.
Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish, and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect. Healthy striving is self-focused – How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused – What will they think?
Time of Stillness and Reflection (words by Thomas Rhodes, adapted)
Let us enter into a time of meditation, contemplation, and prayer.
Feel the earth beneath your feet as it supports you.
Feel the love of this virtual community as it surrounds and enfolds you.
Feel your breath as it flows in
and out of your body.
Listen to your heartbeat.
Listen to your heart.
Take another breath, and hold it.
The air you hold in your body is the most precious thing in the world,
for your very life depends on it.
And yet, none of us can hold on to it for more than a moment,
or else we would strangle and die.
What is most precious to us must be released,
so that we may live, and live fully.
Look into your heart, find what is there, and hold it.
The love you hold within your heart is the most precious thing in the world.
And yet no one can hold on to it any more than your heart can withhold its blood,
or else we would die from loneliness and misery.
What is most precious to us must be shared,
so that we may love, and love fully.
[silence]
Look into your life, at those things that are most precious to you.
Look again, you will find that their value lies not in being held,
but in being shared.
Life, love, laughter, longing,
may we share these precious gifts
that they may return to us, multiplied beyond measure. Amen
Musical Interlude Melodia Africana III by Ludovico Einaudi
Address The Burden of Expectations
As I told you earlier, the theme for this week’s service was inspired by drawing the same Zen Tarot card two days running… which, considering the pack has 78 different cards, and I had shuffled them well, felt a little spooky. So I decided to make a virtue of being a little freaked out, and talk about the burden that other people’s (and our own) expectations can put on us. And how very difficult it can be to let them go.
I am slowly coming to realise that many of the pressures in our lives (certainly many of the pressures in my life) are self-inflicted. It is my distracted self who chases after material possessions, who needs to be in control, who perpetually worries about the next thing, who strives after perfection, and who finds it hard to let go of old regrets and grievances. I’m doing it all to myself. I am putting burdens of expectation onto my own shoulders, then wondering why I feel so tired and stressed out.
And I expect that this will resonate uneasily with some of you. If it doesn’t, I’m delighted – you are obviously better balanced than I am!
Letting go of the burden of expectation that we need to be perfect, being “gentle with ourselves” and forgiving of ourselves when we fall short, is difficult. So I was reassured this morning to read the words of Francis de Sales, “Stop worrying. Whatever it is that you must do to follow the path that God has shown you, do to the best of your ability. And when you have done it, move on to the next thing. Don’t keep re-running it in your mind, trying to decide whether your efforts were too little or too much, whether it was a great deed or a small one, whether you might have done better. If it wasn’t sinful, and you were trying to do the will of God, it is enough. Don’t worry. Move on. Simply. Calmly. Peacefully.” I guess that means that our best is always good enough, and that striving after perfection is not necessary. Which is good to hear.
I find Brené Brown’s distinction between perfectionism and healthy striving a useful thing to bear in mind, whenever I’m tempted to keep on pushing myself to do more, be more, be perfect. I now call myself a reformed “good-enougher”, because I understand that perfection is a totally unrealistic goal, which I will never attain. I have learned that producing a “good enough” service really is good enough; that making sure that the house is “clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy” is also good enough; and that I am much happier when I choose to aim high, yet also choose to be satisfied with less than perfect.
And you know what? I haven’t been sacked for not writing a perfect service each week; and no-one has died at our house because it is not up to the standards of cleanliness and tidiness my mother achieved. I’ve managed to find a work / life balance which allows me to let go of perfectionism, set down some of my self-imposed burdens of expectation, and hence enjoy my life a lot more. The words, “Sod it! Life’s too short” have been known to pass my lips on more than one occasion…
I’m beginning to learn that the starting point for breaking out of all this pressure, for getting away from all this self-inflicted stress, is Just Letting Go.
We are all busy people, with many pressures on us to meet deadlines, and never quite getting there, wherever “there” is. So today, just for this one holy hour, as the chalice lighting invited us, let us try to let go of our burdens, and enjoy the present.
Because it is only too easy to spend our lives chasing after the next thing that needs doing, the next goal that presents itself to us, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As biological animals, we move forwards through time, and it is natural to look to the future. But I am afraid that this is often at the expense of appreciating what we have in the present. This is certainly true in my case. I always have a to-do list on the go –and have to consciously put a weekly Sabbath into my diary, so that I can let go, and spend some time just being.
Worrying about the next thing is an insidious burden, because often, we don’t recognise it as a burden. We call it “being sensible” or “planning ahead”. Yet if we are forever thinking about the future, then we do not appreciate what is happening in the present. So another important aspect of relinquishing our burdens involves noticing what is happening at each passing moment, and being present. I find the words of Max Ehrmann’s poem, Desiderata, so moving and so speaking to my condition (as the Quakers would say). The whole poem is full of good advice about living in the present and appreciating what you have: “Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.” And “Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.” And “Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.” And “Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” Whenever I read it, I feel centred, as though someone has patted me on the shoulder and said, “There, it’s all right. Things are fine. You’re fine.”
This is why I find the words of the poem by Lynn Ungar, which I shared as our second reading, so moving: “What of your rushed and useful life? Imagine setting it all down – papers, plans, appointments, everything – leaving only a note: ‘Gone to the fields to be lovely.’ Be back when I’m through with blooming.” Such a fabulous reminder that actually there are other things than the current task, which are just as important, if our lives are to be rich and meaningful, rather than rushed and pressured.
Relinquishing the burden of the negative things, which keep us rooted in the past – self-doubts, regrets, and petty grievances, grudges and old hatreds – is also tough. Doing this involves forgiving ourselves, and forgiving other people, and asking for others’ forgiveness. Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his daughter, Rev. Mpho Tutu launched the Forgiveness Project a few years ago, and I think it is fantastic. Starting from the point that “there is nothing that cannot be forgiven, and there is no-one undeserving of forgiveness”, they have devised a Fourfold Path of Forgiving, which involves Telling the Story, Naming the Hurt, Granting Forgiveness and Renewing or Releasing the Relationship.
This is not easy stuff, by any means. It involves letting go of the desire for revenge, or even justice, letting go of old grudges, and allowing oneself to heal and become whole.
As they explain, “If you are seeking to forgive, we hope to point the way to freedom. We will show you how you can release a perpetrator’s hold on you, and free yourself from the biting chains of resentment and anger that bind you to your experience. If you are in need of forgiveness, it is our hope that this book will show you a clear path to freeing yourself from the shackles of your past and help you to move forward in your life.”
I know from experience how wonderfully light it is possible to feel if we manage to forgive someone. When we manage to disentangle them from our own burden of expectations, which we’ve placed on their shoulders, and simply let them be as they are, without expecting them to change to fit in with our expectations. It can be quite a shock to realise that we’ve contributed to a negative relationship by expecting something of someone else that they simply cannot give us.
Learning to relinquish our burdens, whatever form they take, can be a tough call. And we need the support of friends, of a spiritual community, to do it wholeheartedly. May we be such friends to each other.
Closing Words
Spirit of Life and Love,
May we learn to let go of our burdens,
not only the expectations of others,
but also those we impose on ourselves.
May we return to our everyday world refreshed,
may we share the love we feel,
may we look out for each other,
and may we keep up our hearts,
now and in the days to come,
Amen
Postlude Melodia Africana II by Ludovico Einaudi